Okay so another thing

The other things I have been struggling with through this depression are again the feelings that I have so much to offer in terms of conversation and dialogue and I just want to talk and create rich deep complex conversations and it is difficult to find people or even a person who can match that need. I also find that I am tired of people telling me what I should or should not do.

Listen people, here is how it works. Listening is about the other person. It is about hearing what they have to say from their perspective and supporting them in their perspective, unless, and this is the only case, they ask for your perspective. Unless someone says "well, what do you think?" then you should not give your opinion or thoughts. I know I am giving shoulds right now and I don't normally do that but come on people, who the heck taught you how to talk and have conversations.

When I say, "I would love to turn my travel logs into a book" you SHOULD NOT say "well, you should do a podcast or a weblog and sell ads!" That is your paradigm, your perspective. When I say "I would love to speak and tell the stories of my experiences," you should say "Wow, that sounds really cool, I bet you would be good at that, where would you do it? What would that look like? That is a great idea, tell me more!".

When I say, "I would love to move to Europe" you should say "Wow, that sounds like a cool idea, how would you make it happen, where would you live, etc". Not "You could not get a resident or work Visa, you won't find a job, you have only seen one country or city...etc, etc.". When listening to me, don't give me your shit, listen to me and support me and love me and accept me! Dammit! All that stuff is about you and when I am in conversation it is 90% about the other person, and the rare times when I want it to be about me, let it be about me. It doesn't matter what you think about what I am saying or thinking, that is your perspective and if it works for you great, but I am not you! Just support me, love me. It is really quite simple.

Oh yeah, and this is the biggest one, when I say "The Dutch seem like, based on my intuition and observation to have really great conversations" DO NOT say "well you don't know b/c you don't speak the language". BULLSHIT! I know, the one thing I know is conversations and human interaction and dynamics and interpersonal relations. I see it, I sense it, it is my thing! My expertise. Just b/c you would not know, don't tell me that I don't know or could not know.

So, in the midst of all this depression I am frustrated because people keep telling me their experience, keep feeding me their reality. I spend most of my time in conversation trying to figure out other people's realities, just give me a little of your time and energy to put your reality aside and listen to mine.

It gets a little frustrating and that is where I am mentally and emotionally. And fat, did I mention that.

So, one of the things I think about is putting my experiences into a spoken word, story telling piece. That way it is all about me, HA! Take that...