Feeling better but still a little scared

Wow, I got pretty bitter in that last post, eh?

It is two weeks since I have returned from Europe and I am beginning to feel positive and lighter of spirit. I am also feeling a little bit scared. Whether or not I want to move to Europe is a little bit moot at this point as it is not a choice sitting in front of me right now that I have to make. I do however want to put certain events into motion that will move me towards the option of making that decision. In addition I want to "do something" with my travel writings and writing in general.

The problem becomes, and this is where the fear comes in, is that I get scared thinking about starting down either of those paths. It is the classic procrastination thing. I think to myself, "I should contact some magazines to submit a travel article." And then instead of moving one step at a time my mind jumps a huge leap forward and quickly, without the time to process each step, my mind runs over everything it would take to make possible something like submitting a travel article. All the steps zoom through my minds eye in a flash and I am left with an amorphous sense of the whole process, undefined, in my head. It leaves me feeling overwhelmed and scared that I would ever be able to make it happen because instead of focusing on one step at a time I am focused on the big picture. It is impossible to make a big picture something happen in one moment. At the same time I get very judgmental with myself, thinking "there are millions of people who say they want to be a writer, you Aaron, are just not that good and certainly not better than others. You can't make it all happen, you are too busy with other stuff and aren't dedicated to doing it." Funny, those are the same things I thought to myself when I began this blog.

I can make this happen. I can publish my writing and I can take steps that will move me closer to living in Europe. The first steps to publishing my writing is to begin reading travel magazine articles and researching information about travel magazines. I can also take my "stories" and begin crafting them as articles.

As for moving to Europe, the article piece is one of the first steps. The other steps include researching all of the steps that would be required to move there, including a job, residency permit and other information.

Writing this helps to alleviate some of my anxiety and fear, but not all of it. So, I am left in a similar place as when i started, although with my fears a little lessened. I want to publish articles based on my European vacation in travel magazines and I want to move to Europe. I can do it and I know taking things one step at a time is the way to do it. Keep myself focused on the moment. Its still scary.