Friday, February 03, 2006

Bittersweet and back from Europe

Well, I am back, returned from my sojourn from Europe where I had an incredible time. I am right now working on a summary email of my travels and will post it here upon completion. I am in the midst of feelings of melancholy and envy, comparing Phoenix to all of the wonderful things I loved about Europe and finding my current place of residence lacking.

I do know however, and I have said it to a few different people, that while in Europe I focused only on the things I loved and now home in Phoenix am only focusing on the things that are missing. I don't know if it is related but I find myself being very snappy, moody and needy with Beth. We just spent two weeks together and had an incredible time, loving and apprecitating each other we were as close as we have been in our relationship. This week we have both been very busy trying to get back into the groove of life and we have hardly seen each other. When we have I felt needy, unappreciated and in short mood with her. This place is always tough because I can easily find evidence that supports me being snappy.

And, my depression has continued all week long. Everyone and everything I look at is colored by these glasses of envy and sadness. Only when I really mentally work very hard do I find that I can shift my focus of attention to a place of love and acceptance of myself and others. Over the last couple of days I have been very hard on myself over the extra three pounds I am carrying. I reallythought I that from a weight loss perspective I was on a good path going into Europe and that this year would be the time when I would really achieve a lot of my weight loss goals. I still believe I can do that but my European trip and the subsequent depression are putting some obstacles in that road.

But, today is the beginning of a new week and I am confident that I can get out of this depression and back eating healthy again. I hope...

No comments: