Met with spiritual director

I met last night with my spiritual director, it was really nice. There have been so many thoughts that have been zooming through my head lately and it was good to just let it all flow with him. The point of a spiritual director is to help me grow in my spiritual path. They accomplish this through active listening (he is a great listener) and asking probing questions. He does a wonderful job of keeping his own personality out of it and just being a facilitator of my own conversation. It is almost like a way for me to just do a data dump (chock full of perceptions, thoughts and lots of emotions) to someone who will not judge anything I say.

I would say that some of the key points we covered are:

We talked about my walk over the last five weeks and the joy I experienced when, through meditation, I realized that I was born perfect whole and holy and that, despite what life brings, nothing has changed and I am still perfect whole and holy. I certainly have behaviors that I am not proud of, but my behavior is not my essence - my essence is connected in a permanent way with the good and holiness of the universe (some would use the word God - which is interesting b/c I sometimes use the word God and am okay with it - what matters is what I mean when I say, not what others believe it means). Anyway (little tangent there) I had this great balance and joy from my meditations and for like three straight weeks was in this really good place. Then I went (see previous posts) through a couple weeks where I was in envy and having trouble with the meditations. I shared with my SD (spiritual director) that I wanted to get back to the place of balance but was scared about getting there and scared b/c I know the more I desire things the more they elude me. So, his thoughts were, what if I meditate and just do it w/o expectations. And if things happen, great and if they don't that is okay too. He even suggested that I be thankful for when things don't happen and look for the gift in that (a little stretch for me).

• Let me say that I may not have, in this forum, written on how important
  those times of balance were for me. Those three weeks were the most
  relaxed I have felt in my heart, soul, emotions and mind my entire life.
  That is why I want to get back there.

The next key point that we covered was what will be the next areas that I see on the horizon for my personal spiritual growth. I believe one of the next areas of growth will be me learning that I cannot control the emotions and perceptions of others. That when I meditate I cannot control what the reaction will be, I can just control the fact that I meditate. When I want things to meet my needs in a certain way, I cannot control that. I cannot control how I am perceived at work (or how I perceive the perceptions of others!) I can only be as good of a worker as I can be and let the chips fall where they may. This is something that I understand intellectually but at this point not emotionally/experientially. And, it relates very similarly with my other area of growth and that is the appreciation and understanding that everyone has their own gifts to bring and I need to appreciate them for those gifts. Right now I have trouble sometimes remembering to see the gifts of others.

So much to get down...I am going to have to pause (I am feeling overwhelmed plus I am blogging at work and I feel bad for doing it). But to remind myself and give my vast readership =) a preview of what I still need to get down - moments of wisdom and how I almost miss them - my life with Beth - my poetry - my self affirmation/self approval - see, that is still a lot!

Until next time...DRB.