I talked to Omar, I talked to Omar!

drafted 11/22/06

Omar is the three year old boy Beth and I are hoping will become available for us to adopt! I talked with him tonight on the phone! I don't think I understood anything he said except, "im free", which of course translates to, "I'm three." It doesn't matter though, I talked to him and it lifted my spirits. It was my first opportunity to connect with him and I hope there are many more!

Right now Omar lives with a wonderful, loving foster family in Colorado. His mother left Omar in a crib, malnourished and ignored, for most of the first 18 months of his life. Since the state took him out of the house a year ago he has made tremendous progress on his health and emotional well being. I am sure if we adopt Omar there will be tough times ahead as we work to heal the wounds suffered in his infancy. All we can do, all we will try to do, is to fill him with love, make him part of our life and part of our family!

Over the last few days there have been ideas popping into my head about life with Omar. They are a little idealistic maybe, but they make me happy to think about. Like, I walk around our house and think, "Omar, this will all be yours. Anything you want in the house, anything you want to play with, anywhere in the house or yard you want to explore, just ask."

It almost feels like all the work to make our home more comfortable might just be to prepare for Omar. Our house, our life is his to share.

We will take him to to the bark park and take him hiking and to the zoo and the science center. Everywhere. He will meet our friends, hang out at their houses and play with them. We will make dinner together and go out to dinner together. Our whole family, hanging together.

Then today I was thinking how I am going to be one of those dads who will be involved in everything my kids do. I will cart Omar to whatever activity he wants to participate in. Maybe it will be sports, part of me hopes not, but I will support him if it is. Maybe it will be piano or theater, but those are my values. What will matter is what Omar wants to do. I'll be the coach, the supporter, the cheerleader, the biggest fan. I will be there. Loving him and supporting him. I will be there.

Parenting will be one of the most challenging things I will ever do. But I am not really thinking about the hard parts. Right now I am thinking about all the fun parts and looking forward to pouring my love into a child. I hope I am ready, I hope I can do it, I hope I can love and love and love our children. Thankfully I will have Beth to help!

We learned of Omar through a woman Beth works with, who is adopting a girl who lives with the same foster family as Omar. Our relationship began in August with pictures and second hand reports from Beth's coworker. Since then, Beth, while on a work trip, visited the foster family and met Omar, and we have both been in regular email contact with the foster mom.

Beth's visit was probably a turning point for both of us. Until then I kept telling myself, "don't fall in love Aaron, don't fall in love." But after hearing Beth's reports and seeing the video Beth taped (and then I mistakenly deleted - ugh, I feel so terrible about it!) my heart began to melt and I found myself head-over-heels for a little boy I have never met. It may seem strange to read that, but it is what it is, I am in love!

The problem is he may not come up for adoption. Right now he is in custody of the state of Colorado, but not a ward of the state, he is still legally the son of his parents. The caseworker at some point has to make the decision to go to the judge to ask the parental rights are severed. At that point we can petition to become his parents, but even then, who knows if it will happen. We are hoping and praying and sending lots of positive thoughts but there is lots of uncertainty. And, I have never been good with faith.

Which brings us to the phone call I made. In the last email communication with Omar's foster mom she told me Omar's dad has been missing his regular scheduled visits which makes Omar very sad. In turn, I got very angry, maybe because my dad was less than consistent in his visitation with us, and filled with sorrow. How dare anyone disappoint Omar, how dare anyone make him sad! And, I think, "just give him to us, we will love him! We won't let him down!"

So, I got the email and called Beth, almost in tears. She said, "why don't you call him?" I said, "call Omar?" "Yep," she said, "call Omar." So I did. And I talked with Omar and his foster mom and the other three children in the house and wished them all a Happy Thanksgiving. I don't think Omar has any idea who I am, and I am unsure of what he said in his little mumbly three year old voice, but it was enough to make me smile. And enough to give me hope.

Now I need faith. I hope Beth and I are the best option for Omar. As I have said several times, whatever is the best for him; it could be us, heck maybe it could even be his parents, or maybe even another potential adoptive family. Whatever happens, I hope he finds a permanent home where he is loved. In the meantime, as Beth reminded me, his foster family is giving him lots and lots of love. For that, I am thankful.

And, until we know more I will continue to imagine him running around our house, laughing and playing. And until we know more, I will try to have faith.