A little more ideas in psychology

The other day, I was getting frustrated with Beth. It seemed that every idea I had, she contradicted. What I realized was that I was telling her all these ideas to get her attention, which helps get my approval needs met.

The whole thing wasn't dramatic, it was very subtle, lasting only a few minutes, but I could see that she was fending off my demands on her energy and attention. She was protecting herself and her energy.

She had a very intense week at work and, from my sense and from what she said, she was in a place where getting rest and conserving her energy, just for a few moments even, were important.

So, I altered my style. I pulled my energy, my ego, my need for approval back, trying not to demand her energy and attention.

What happened? We went about our day.

Then, I realized something about myself. As I have said before, I can be needy. An understanding "popped" into my head - I am the only person who is going to love and approve of me in exactly the way I want. Because, I want to be approved in all the ways I give to others.

I want effusive compliments about my character, my ideas, and body. I want specific praise for whatever is happening to me psychologically in the moment. So, if I am thinking of an idea for a children's book, I might want someone to say, naturally, without any prompt from me something like, "Wow Aaron, that is so creative and really would be a fun idea. I am impressed that you came up with that idea Aaron, I approve of you."

I am the only person who is going to give myself that kind of compliment in the moment, I am the only one who is going to fully approve of me and tell myself that. Now, others may fully approve of me, and part of me believes they do, but even if they do, they probably will not express it in a way that meets my needs. They will express it differently, through their gifts.

So, moving forward, if I am unable to recognize how people are giving their gifts and I am getting kind of needy, I will just compliment myself in my head, give myself that approval, and move on.

I love ideas!