I had a great week, an okay Friday and a wonderful Saturday. Yesterday I spent the day with one of my best friends, driving up to Flagstaff to go mountain biking for the day. We had a great ride, it was hard work and it was probably a "weight loss" day. After our ride we had a nice lunch, great coffee and a good drive home. The drive to and from were filled with good conversation about a variety of interesting topics.
We came back to his house and hung out with his partner - another of my best friends - having drinks by their pool and dinner, before heading to an outdoor music show. The show was great, it was a hip-hop orchestra with an amazing ensemble of musicians, vocalists and rap artists. It was lively, fun, eclectic, unique and energetic. After, we came back to their house for snacks and drinks and nice conversation. I enjoyed listening to my two friends talk to two other of our friends about the benefits of personality preference indicators like Meyers-Briggs and the Enneagram.
Overall it has been a great weekend.
And, then, I wake up this morning full of angst and in envy mode for what's missing. I planned today to be me at home (Beth is in MI for a friend's wedding) doing chores, mowing the lawn and watching a movie. When I thought about it in advance it was perfectly acceptable. Now that I am in it I am craving human interaction, craving something different with my surroundings. I miss Beth and wish she was here to spend the day with. The sad part is, if she was here I would probably still do all the stupid chores I am going to do and not appreciate the time we would have.
I took the boys to the bark park this morning and driving home got that same sense I always get driving through Phoenix neighborhoods - where is everyone?!?! Sure, they might have retreated indoors because its now 100 degrees outside, but it is like this year round. And that leads me to think, is there a better place to live? But what would be that better place? And, why does it matter to me that everyone is inside? And, why do I need constant human interaction? And, why isn't one day out of a weekend spent with great friends in the kind of interactions I want enough?
Universe, what is the lesson here? Because I don't get it.
"This time, like all times, is a very good one, if we but know what to do with it ... Finish each day and be done with it. You have done what you could. Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day; begin it well and serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense." Emerson
About Me
My Previous Poetry Posts
- Dream
- And the world turns
- Untitled
- dear one
- Spirit Guide
- I am
- What the people want
- Skies
- Right now
- For a friend
- untitled
- Desert Classic
- Becoming - A DRB Fave
- Complaint Haiku
- Sigh...
- Look Around Haiku
- Untitled Haiku
- My Friends Haiku
- Haiku Hello
- That Moment
- Unfolding
- To Serve Love
- Why am I here - this is one of my FAVORITE posts
- Poetry Poem
- A good day in haiku
- Lunch time post with a poem
- Poetry by drb for post 50
- Falling in love...
- Love each moment
- Lenses
- Its about us
- Experience the Divine
2 comments:
Go to the mall!!! that's where they are!
Thanks Lisa! I am really not worried about where they are as much as I can't figure out why what I have isn't enough! But I think you got that =)
Actually my friend GF said on the phone last night on an unrelated topic, "we all get our time in the spotlight, we all get to be center of attention sometimes and sometimes, it is someone else's turn - we have to be open to sharing and be open to not always getting what we think we need." Probably paraphrased strongly, but the point hit home with me - sometimes I get all the human interaction I want, sometimes I don't - it doesn't mean anything is wrong with me. Which honestly is what I worry about, below what I posted, in the deep, deep part of me. I worry that I am going to be judged, that my life won't be good enough for some "judge" out there and if I don't spend every minute in interaction it means something is wrong with me. That it is "my fault". My point is, there is no fault, there is no blame, I will not be judged and if I spend a Sunday w/o any human interaction sitting on my butt watching stupid TV then that is okay. I am okay =)
So what I am saying is that I am not going to the mall! =)
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