Honest, I am working!

I want to demonstrate something with this post.

Right now there is a pretty constant battle of loving what is in front of me and at the same time fantasizing for something different.

I can fantasize really well. I can imagine myself in the "ideal" personal life situation (not necessarily a place, see previous post). And, I can imagine the feelings of being there. Feelings are very important for me. And, I don't want to let go of the fantasies because they are so attractive and so powerful.

At the same time I have learned to love what is in front of me, love the life I have and appreciate the people in my life more than ever.

For example, I have been driving with the windows down on my way to and from work, listening to classical music and enjoying the drive! Can you believe it? Me, enjoying my commute! I know...

Like this morning, it was raining and windy and I loved it! The wind was blowing in my windows, the music was playing and I just took my time, very relaxed.

Or, on a different subject, I rode 24 miles on the trail last night with the Landis crew and I loved it! It felt so good and I felt so good and riding helps me forget, for a little bit, the push and pull of these powerful forces in my head.

So, that is what is going on in my brain right now. One moment the gravitational pull of loving what is in front of me takes hold and I am happy and in the very next moment the equally powerful gravity of fantasizing about something different takes hold and I am sad.

I do love it. I do love this life. I do love all of you. Please, don't get me wrong...