For my viking

OUR LOVE IS IN THE MOMENTS WE SHARE

Forgive my writing style. At some points it intends to be pseudo anonymous. Usually its not even that. Forgive it for everything it is not and love it for everything it is.

So, I need to look at Beth’s love for me. I will be honest. It is hard for me to see sometimes. Not because it is in-abundant. No more because my vision is clouded. And because, I want to be loved the way I want to be loved and expect her to know that and change her style for me. That, my dear readers, is not looking at things from love. No, if I were looking through eyes of love I would accept her gifts and see how she blesses and affirms me.

So, that is what this entry is mostly about, looking at how Beth loves me.

But first I need to outline a little self delusion I have. That self delusion is that by using empathy I am understanding people and because I can understand them, my love must be tailored to them. That is not really true. What is truer is that I love people and do it in my way. My way is through trying to understand THE EMOTIONAL MOTIVATION of others. I do it well for myself. I want it from others. I give it to others. But that does not mean that is what they want or how they want to receive love. The self delusion is created because I put a higher value on my gift than I do the gifts of others. As you can imagine some situations of conflict are created.

I believe part of my evolution will be the ability to perceive the emotional motivation of others in order to better understand the gifts they bring to our relationship, their relationships and the greater world.

So, what do I appreciate about Beth/what do I see she does to love me:

This morning, as with most mornings, she pats my butt and tells me I am sexy
She tries on clothes for me and lets me tag along with her to clothing stores. She helps me feel handsome through her being gorgeous and letting me hold her hand.
She deftly sails the tempest of my emotions all the while loving me and trying to understand me – that is not easy!
She makes me go bike riding to our friends
I have to say I enjoy the sex, that always makes me feel good
Just the gift of letting me share my life with her; if you have met her you know how special that is
Speaking of, isn’t it nice when you know someone who is full of integrity and strength, its inspiring. Beth inspires me.
Beth was the first one to believe in my unlimited potential
She still does
We cuddle every single night, mostly the whole night, and if somehow we have separated during the night, we make sure to resnuggle, even if for a few minutes, before we get out of bed
She lets me live my life without question, criticism or judgment
I have never gotten in trouble for spending time with friends instead of her – male or female
Max and Mokie were her idea
She takes care of our animals in all the practical ways that I avoid – like ear cleaning
We always have water and I don’t think I even know where the water store is
She doesn’t get mad when I put her stuff in piles
She says nice things about me to other people
I have been her teacher and her student
Her fierce loyalty
Lioness – courageous, loyal, fierce, alert, nurturing, fast acting, energetic, proud
Elephant – wise, part of a family, leader, humble, community builder, discerning
At night, right before we fall asleep, I lay my head on her chest while she strokes my hair and kisses my head
She opens her heart to me and shares her essence with me; she lets me ask questions and she is open to my advice – ergo, in our relationship she lets me live my best gifts

Beth, if you are reading this, let me say one thing absolutely and unequivocally – When we were falling in love I pledged to still love you when we had 80 year old eyes. Since that day I have never stopped loving you, your eyes and everything behind them, your heart and soul. And I never will.