What do you do with your time? I don't really want to know about ways that you waste time, more ways that you use your time to advance your life, to further grow. I am going to have a little bit more time over the next few weeks. On Friday I had shoulder surgery, arthroscopic surgery to repair an injury I incurred while mountain biking. And, that means that I am not going to have mountain biking to fill up my time as an activity. Due to the recovery of the surgery I will be taking at least 4 - 6 weeks off of biking. Something that I typically do 2 - 3 times a week for 1 - 3 hours at a time. In addition I usually lift weights once a week for about an hour. Also an activity that will be out for the duration of my recovery.

So, that is going to leave me with some time to fill. From an exercise perspective I am going to fill some of that time with walking to try and keep my fitness level from detriotating too much. And, this whole idea of adding things into my life is something I have thought about even before my surgery. See, I have done a really good job of more engaging in life as I have gone through my last five or so years of personal growth. But, I still find that I engage in some time wasting activities like just meaningless surfing of the internet or watching TV.

One of my friends spends his time by keeping up certain hobbies like coin collecting and genealogy. My wife spends her time with certain projects that she does for a women's group she is involved in. Another friends works on academic papers. A lot of people spend their time watching TV. Not that there is anything wrong with watching TV but it is not how I want to spend my time. Maybe that is part of the reason I began this blog was to have some thing to pour some of my creative energy into.

and, I have to temper all of these questions with something I know well about myself - that I have a tendency to look for what is missing in my life. In reality I think I do a pretty good job of filling up my time. For example in a couple of weeks I will be taking another weekend workshop on the Ennaegram and hopefully registering for the follow on weekly classes. Plus I do a lot of reaching out to friends to make stuff happen...

Okay, this is where any kind of blogging or journaling becomes tuff for me. Sometimes my mind is so all over the place that it becomes frustrating for me to try and get it all down. For example, as I begin to talk about reaching out to friends one of the things I think about is how it is frustrating that in many cases (except a few) if I do not spend time reaching out to people to get together on a consistent basis they do not reach out to me. Is it me I wonder? Or is it people in general?

Actually when I think about some of the ways I want to spend this time (in addition to more reading and maybe more independent film watching) one of the things I think about is reaching out to friends and family. Email and cell phones make is so easy but I do have some hang ups about it. One of them being that it is hard sometimes to connect with people that I do not hear from consistently. See if I don't hear from you on a regular basis then that means I have to try and package all of my experiences into neat little sound bites. And, I like talking about the meaning of experiences and the feelings around experiences and if I don't hear from you on a regular basis then all we talk about are experiences and stories but now about what those things mean to each other.

And, going to my earlier hang up about me doing all of the reaching out, if I am doing all of the reaching out then I don't have the energy to make that consistent from just MY end, it has to be two way. So, I think, "I have this free time" I should do more reaching out to friends and family, more connections, but then I get all these hang ups I talked about.

The other thing I know about myself is that I cannot set up rigorous goals/timetables for my actions (i.e. I am going to call this person every two weeks). It just does not work that way for me. Same with if I were to think "I am going to rent an independent movie every week while I am injured". But, I also know that making things consistent takes time.

So, how is that for some nonsensical rambling? I guess I should get clear on my intended outcomes. Like, what do I want in my life that I do not have now? Is this me thinking about what is missing again? How can I add things into my life? What are they? Does it matter? Do I have to change? Do I have to add new things in? These are the kinds of things I struggle with on a regular basis. If I am honest with myself I will admit that I worry that I will look back on life and think I have somehow wasted time. That I have not lived a full life or a life that lives up to some unknowable, unspoken standard of others. That my activities are unworthy. There is a deep feeling that goes along with all of these questions. Can the activities I write about in the paragrapgh below, simple activities, fill in this deep well of questions and worry? Or, is there deeper work that needs to be done? Or, are all of these questions kind of silly and I should not worry about any of these things?

Going away from that deep question to the surface, some of the things I do think about adding in are slam poetry/spoken word. I think I would be pretty good at that. Taking more Improv classes. As stated above maybe reaching out a little more to friends and family or finding new ways to connect and find others to connect to. My hope is that the simple movement, the intentions of wanting to fill up my life will start to fill in the deep void I write about above. I think it will be the combination of the intention, the action, and the results that will move me forward in my evolution. And, as I look at it, that is what, for me anyway, is the most import: that I am evolving and moving forward. That I am always trying something, always working towards something. For me that knowledge helps to bring peace and relaxation...I think =)

So, how do you spend your time? Any thoughts on how I should spend mine?