Sunday night at 12:55 or so

It started with a dream. I was in our house, but not quite our house. Beth and I were visiting with an unknown man in our office as he discussed some sort of implant for Max. The man, in his late 30's, had long hair and a worn face. We were comfortable in his presence, even Max seemed completely relaxed around this stranger. We seemed at ease and in agreement with whatever his point was regarding our discussion of Max's implant. In order to illustrate some point I was trying to make, I needed to fetch something from another room and I walked from the office into our darkened bedroom. It was almost completely our bedroom, everything including the bed was right where it was supposed to be. Except, I noticed there was a planter I had never seen before in our adjoining master bath. Intrigued, I stopped to check on these new plants and noticed another, much more significant difference in the bathroom. The far wall, which in real life frames the large picture window looking out into our side yard, was taken up completely by a large painting of a radiating sun. The sun resembled something you might see in Central American art work and was painted in vivid yellow and bright orange with royal blue and emerald green highlights. Startled, but still focused on wanting to check on this new plant, I reached to turn on the lights. That's when things got crazy. That's when I realized there was a dark presence in the bathroom, a dark spirit radiating from the painted sun. The lights wouldn't turn on and I became very frightened. I have encountered dark spirits in my dreams before. Often as I child I would become trapped in dreams, not knowing how to escape the terror of these dark forces. As an adult I have developed several dream strategies to deal with the presence of dark spirits. As I stood there, locked in fear, I could feel the darkness, the hate, the loathing, the evil rolling in waves from the far side of the bathroom. In fear for my life I screamed, "In Jesus name demon I rebuke you!" This may seem strange to those of you who know my current agnostic tendencies, but in dream world, it always works, it calls on a childhood belief and is a dream strategy I often apply when encountering dark dream spirits. And, if it doesn't my next strategy is to wake up - and that really always works! But, this spirit wasn't giving up so easy! As I shouted my holy rebuke the walls convulsed and shook and waves of darkness crashed into me, all the while, I continued to try to turn on the lights to no avail. Again, two more times I shouted my holy refrain, "Spirit, in Jesus name I command you, begone!" Filled with fear and a primal dread, I stood locked in my place, unsure how this would end. Would my rebukes work, would I be able to wake up, or would there be some unknown end? And then, as quickly as it came, it was gone, the dark spirit had retreated, calm had come, my rebuke had seemingly succeeded. I stumbled through the bedroom, shocked and still scared, not sure if the spirit still lingered. Not sure what I was running to, I only knew what I was running from. There, in the doorway, standing with Beth, was this man, a man I had seen before, long hair, worn face, in his late 30's. With gasping breath I readied to tell my story but stopped silent. His smile, told me, he already knew.



I awoke with a start! I was still filled with fear. My heart was thumping hard in my chest. The clock read 12:55. I lay sandwiched between Mokie and Beth, staring up at the ceiling. I waited for the fear, the sense of a presence of darkness to subside. I waited for the dark spirits to beat their hasty retreat. Most other times, a victory in sleep means a victory awake, and while it might take a moment for the fear to subside, I can feel the absence of the spirit, our house again clean. But, not this time. I could still feel it, diminished, but lurking. I clicked on the light, hoping to cast aside my fears. I felt better for a moment, clicked off the lights and closed my eyes. As I drifted from awake back to sleep, I saw it in my minds eye, huddled, floating, near our ceiling just outside the shower, a dark slim figure, humanoid in shape, damaged and diminished, but still there. With fear, I jolted back to consciousness and began my prayer, not the Jesus one, that's only for dreams, "To all that is good and holy, please protect me and my family, please, protect us from this evil spirit, send it from our house, drive it away. To all that is good and holy, to all that is love in the world, please protect us." Still, I felt the spirit holding fast, "To all the love here in this room, Beth, Max, Mokie, Rufus, Sunkist, all our pictures and all the love they represent, to all the plants and the love of friendship they represent, please, hold us in that love and protect us..." I only wanted the dark spirit to leave us alone, leave us in peace and leave me to my night. Over and over, several times, my pleading prayer slipped from my lips, "Protect us, hold us, all that is good and holy, all that is love, protect us, protect us..."

And suddenly, from I still don't know where, a thought occurred, in this place of half sleep half awake, and it was, "Isn't this a house of love? Isn't this a place where all are accepted, all those souls who need a home are welcomed? Isn't this a place where the good and the bad, the light and the dark can be embraced by our love, by all the love I am calling upon here?" It struck me, why should this dark spirit, or any dark spirit, be any different? Why shouldn't this dark spirit be enveloped and welcomed in the same love I am calling upon here? And I thought, "we all have darkness, we all have little dark spirits clinging on us, there from our earliest days of life, from infants when the little dark things started to take root and become part of us." And, I pictured in my minds eye, like little leaches, these dark things clinging to my heart, sliding along my shoulder, nestled in all the corners of our house. And I thought, "I love myself, the good and the bad, I love Beth and Max and Mokie and all my friends and family, the good and the bad. Sure, I have these dark spirits, we all have these dark spirits, and we also have so many pure light spirits and I love them all, why should this visitor, this spirit huddled in my bathroom, scared and lonely and just looking for comfort, putting on a big bad face just because its scared, why should it not get the same love?" We all have light, we all have dark, it is intertwined, inexorable and all okay. And so, as I faded into the nether of sleep, my prayer changed, "To all that is good and holy, to all that is love, to all the love in this house, from me and Beth and Max and Mokie and Rufus and Sunkist and all the plants and the pictures and the love they represent and to all we hold dear and the love of all our friends, lift all us up in your love, lift this spirit up in your love, comfort this dark spirit, welcome it into our home and into our love, let us not fear it or it fear us, let us not fear the darkness, let us love the darkness like we love ourselves because we are the dark and the light! Lift us up love, lift us up, to all that is good and holy lift us up with this dark spirit, to all that is good and holy lift us, lift us, lift us!" The calm came then, the peace came then, and I felt safe, I felt love and I accepted this dark spirit into our fold, welcomed it into a loving place, where all are safe and all are protected, all are honored.

And, my brush with that dark spirit passed as I faded into the night, faded into sleep, faded, into the dark. I don't know what it means, all of this I have written here, I only know it happened, every word. And, more importanly I have no idea how this will affect the next time a dark spirit comes calling in the night. I only know last night I went from a place of fear and defense to a place of lifting into love. And today, I felt peace.