This week's lesson...

I am okay, even if I cannot do it all...

I came to this thought as I was walking the dogs this morning. Over the past couple of weeks my work hours have increased significantly as I prepare for what is the most important work project I manage - Loaned Executive training, which begins this coming Thursday.

As my work hours have increased, including working from home later today, it has been difficult to keep up with everything else I fit into my life. The biggest thing to suffer from lack of time has been the intense exercise regiment I was on before we left for Chicago. I lost nine pounds before our trip and since have gained 3 - 4 back. The weight gain was giving me a lot of heartache this morning until I reflected on what I have been able to fit into my life.

For example, I am going soon to meet a friend for breakfast, then after I work the afternoon away, Beth and I are meeting friends for dinner. Last night we had friends over for dinner and so we spent all of Saturday preparing for their arrival: grocery shopping, cleaning and mowing the lawn. Friday night we went for drinks and dinner with another group of friends. And the best part is I have and will enjoy each of the gatherings.

So, what I am saying is that I am okay even though I can't keep up exercising right now, and I am okay even though I didn't crack open the GRE test prep book this week or weekend, and I am okay that I still haven't posted my "cool" pictures from Chicago on my photoblog.

I choose how I want to spend my time, like walking the dogs this morning instead of going to the gym. And as long as I am okay with how I spend my time, then it is all good. I am so approval hungry at times that I worry others will judge me on how I decide to spend my time and who I decide to be.

What I realized this morning is one, most people don't care enough to judge - its kind of self centered of me to think they do, as if others are monitoring my every move, thought and motivation - and two, as long as I am okay with how I spend my time, as long as I understand the trade-offs and am conscious to the decisions, that is all that matters.

And you know, it doesn't really matter what I do or don't do, because I am okay just for being me. I am perfectly acceptable, perfectly approvable and perfectly lovable just for being me. And I am doing the best job I can being me. And I love me, I accept me and I approve of me.

The intensity of this time has forced me into this mindview, and it has carried me, for the most part, through the last couple of weeks. It was only this morning that the words came to me, "you know what, I can't do everything, and that is okay", but over the last week I have carried that mindset. And it is very freeing, very relaxing and allows me to be more relaxed around others, not worrying that they are approving or not approving of me. I carry the approval inside of me and feel more free in just being myself.

It's nice how it works that way...