I would love if this was one of my poetic, beautiful posts. Sadly, its about my belly. Weight has always been a mental and emotional struggle for me, almost more than it has been a physical struggle, although it is that too.
It pulls me out of the present moment. When I "feel" that my belly is too big and that I weigh too much I begin to wonder if everyone sees it too. And then I begin to say, okay, I will be 200 pounds or less by the time we go to Chicago in July. Great, good plan.
The problem comes in that I begin thinking about what I am not instead of appreciating myself for what I am - I begin to think I will be "better", receive more love, receive approval from others, when I lose the extra 5 - 10 pounds I am carrying. And I begin to focus a lot on my body and thinking about it in a critical way.
All of these things pull me out of the present because I begin thinking, when I am X weight then I will be happy. I also go into a place where I am not loving myself. It kind of makes me sad...
And how appropriately Ben Folds is playing through my computer right now with the song, "You've go to live with what you are." Thanks for the reminder Ben, you frigging musical genius you!
So, I will learn to live with what I am, do my best to do my best, and focus on the moment and doing my best in the moment.
On another "future" mode kind of thing...my dream master's degree in Amsterdam...check out the link...
www.psy.vu.nl/fpp.php/departments/socialpsychology/teaching/research_master/
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