Blog self review and my amazing positive self realizations about the divine universe!

I took a few minutes this afternoon to review my blog. I am going to avoid being judgmental about my writing skills b/c I realize they are very stream of conscious and not exactly the best organized. But I guess that is how thoughts are, right?

Anyway, what I saw in my blog was that early on I was blogging about what was missing, the envy that I experience. And, it seems there was a lot of that in my blogs - b/c, that is what I was experiencing.

Over the last couple of months though I noticed a shift in my blogs that began to incorporate some of the spiritual work I was doing and how that spiritual work was helping me to experience some pretty cool things and have some great revelations about myself. Much of that came from the meditations I was doing (and still am doing) and the Enneagram classes I was attending.

Well, I am very pleased to report that, even after the conclusion of the class, my state of mind has been much more focused on the positive then the negative. Before, most of my thoughts were focused on what was missing in myself and others and what needed to be "fixed" in myself and what others have that I don't have (more in states of mind and relationships than physical goods).

I have now had an internal shift of heart. It has been a shift of attention and energy and focus from what's missing to what's here, what I do have. See, through focusing on the present moment (which happens by just feeling my breath come in and out, which is aided by the practice of meditation on the breath) I am able to remember that 1) everything is just the way it should be (I mean in the moment things are what they are - you can't change what occurs in the moment, only what occurs in the next moment) so, 2) if everything is just the way it is then that means I am just who I should be and need to be and all those around me are just who they should be which means 3) that I can accept who I am b/c a) I am who I am in the moment, so why not love me and b) is because I am part of the universe which is perfect, I mean I am physically, energetically part of all the universe (a little brief part of it but part of it nonetheless) and 4) the same acceptance for myself holds true in accepting others (they are also part of the universe) therefore 5) if all this is true (which I believe it is and I believe through experiences that I have had and reflected on why those experiences were special), if all this is true, if I am exactly who I should be in the moment and you are too and we are both/all part of the perfect divine universe, then what could be missing? Nothing is missing, I have everything I need in the moment and am therefore relaxed and content. No envy for you, b/c we are both equal and special and beautiful. It sounds abstract, but it is very real and all comes from focusing on the breath in the moment.

A lot of this came from a realization that I had early on in the meditations. That realization is that I was born perfect, whole and holy, a part of the perfect universe, and despite what I have experienced, despite even behaviors within myself I want to change, I am still, to this day, this moment and every day and every moment, perfect whole and holy, just the way I am. And so are you and all of us.

We don't have any control over the evolution and unfolding of this reality and reality is both good and bad/positive and negative/destructive and creative. And that can be scary and make ourselves wonder why. But, I know through reflecting on experiences that I have had, that I am just the way I should be. It does not mean that everything happens for a reason or works out positive for everyone in the end, there is still suffering and death (and a heckuva lot of beauty and life too!), but it does work itself out, reality evolves and is evolving, just the way it should, the only way it can.

That is what has helped me to relax the inner turmoil that broils when I focus on what is missing. And all of this is always there and can always be obtained just through focusing on the breath which returns me to the present moment. I can worry about the future, I can be sad about the past but the present is just the way it should be. It is the unfolding of life - everything happens now. So I focus on it to be present and aware to its beauty as it unfolds and it reminds me that I and everyone and everything else is just the way it should be.

Plus, when you think about how grand the history of the universe is you can realize that we are VERY insignificant in that universe, so what a gift it is that we even get to experience life and experience reality, as brief as we are here, so why focus on the negative, why focus on what is missing, when there is SO much here. For all the pain and suffering there is also happiness to focus on, boundless happiness.

So, all of this has lead me to peace of mind, relaxation of energy and envy and to a place of mental/emotional balance. And b/c of that I focus more on the positives in myself and in others. I am more creative and tend to dwell in the more positive sides of my personality (connecting mental dots, being creative, emotionally intuned and supportive of others).

So, life is good and I wanted to make sure my blog represented that. The cool thing is these realizations have been accompanied by a huge flurry of poetry that really captures the experiences I have been having. I.e. my previous post. For my next post I will make sure to publish another poem or two.

Happy New Year!